I'm fine. Maybe....

Our evening cow check has
become our date night.We need
it cause these kids never leave!!

     So, how are you all holding up? Are you good? Scared? Devastated? Okay-ish? Just somewhere in between? I for sure have had some days when I am feeling rather rapture-ish,  so I find great deals on bulk candles and order them immediately. And other days I am cruising down easy street thinking to myself how amazingly well I am handling all of this. I've also been known to make a drastic swing between all is good cause God's got this, to we're never making it out of this alive. Some days I bake 3 different deliciously glutenous desserts or breads like I'm sitting on the largest supply of flour known to man and other days I'm rationing peanut butter like it's the depression. But I'm fine. Really, it's all good in the hood out here in the middle of nowhere. One would think that I wouldn't have time to think about all of this since calving has been going on for a month now and we are just starting into the second cycle, but I spend A LOT of time in the feed truck with just myself and my thoughts. And then there's the late hours at night by my lonesome doing night checks on the heifers for my imagination to run wild with me. Which it does. All. The. Time. From the boogie man in the trees waiting to eat me, to the end of the world, my brain runs the gamete. I can't be the only one, right? Just tell me I'm not the only so I feel better, please and thank you.

Helping others looks different
for all of us in this time. I
saved this gals life in exchange
for more eggs. 

     I am, however, enjoying watching how people are helping one another out and doing things we would have never had a chance to do without this slower time. And I use the term "slower time" very loosely because, like us, there are people in all professions right now that haven't slowed at all and now have all the extra stuff piled on top. I know for us bringing the kids home has been a blessing and an added stress. Thankfully having home schooled the youngest for a year we already had a routine to jump back into, but the oldest has been a STRUGGLE. It's not like he was skipping to school each day and whistling dixie, but he did however, thrive under the routine and now that is something he doesn't have a lot of. We are doing our best to keep it routine and make it easy for him to have time to do his work but he is like a fart in a  mitten and keeping him headed in one direction is like herding chickens. But his teachers and I have been in constant contact and I do believe we will get him to finish this year!! (insert praise hands and cheering.) With it being our busiest time of year I am not home for most of the day and the kids have had to teach, feed and care for themselves most of the time, but I do have a luxury that most parents do not, and that is the ability to ask my main squeeze for a couple hours here and there to be with the kids, do housework or be in the office. My heart goes out to parents that do not have this luxury. If you are one of those parents I pray you are giving yourself some space for grace in all of this. You are doing what most could not and most of us would not choose if given the choice. I pray you find peace in knowing God has this covered and your kiddos will be OKAY! This cannot last forever and we will get through this.
     I don't have a specific part of my survival story to tie into this crazy pandemic situation we find ourselves in, so I decided to try a different approach to this post. Words about feelings are not my forte, frankly they make me a little gag-ish, so this might get a little awkward for all of us. Just bare with me if you will. I wanted to share what I read in my Bible reading this morning because I have read it 3 times in the last month and each time I get all excited. I've highlighted and underline and circled almost all of the words. IT'S SO GOOD! The passage is 1 Kings 19:21 9-13, but the part that just makes me want to dance is 11 &12. Elijah is speaking to the Lord and 'the Lord says "Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the Lord, for the Lord is about to pass by." Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountain apart and shattered the rocks before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake. After the earthquake came a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper.' A whisper? All the bells and whistles at God's disposal and he chooses to reach Elijah's ear with a whisper. Um, YES PLEASE! I know this time right now can feel a bit like God is screaming at us and sending down all the things to get our attention, but what if in all of this crazy there is a whisper we are to listen for? What if He is waiting in the quiet, calling us to stop watching all the news, stop listening to the radio for the latest and just watch the people in our homes. Listen to what they need. Hear how they are truly doing. Call the people that mean the most or ones you haven't spoken to in ages and have a real conversation. If you are one of the lucky people whom is home and is truly slower paced use this time to check your heart. Take the time to hear the 'gentle whisper' you haven't had the time to listen for.
     Also, I cannot help but think of the people who have lost loved ones during this time for any reason. The one thing that helps most in a time of loss is comfort from those around us. We gather at their homes, bring food, share memories and hold them tight when they need it. These are all things we are being told we shouldn't do and I can't imagine what families are going through without this support. I hope we are all being creative in the ways we love those who have lost and making them feel seen and loved through all of it. We can still be kind and compassionate even with social distancing.
     I am going to wrap this up and get outside to kick out pairs before the hurricane winds hit today. Last night we had to pull a calf out of a heifer and as Scott and I walked back to the house we couldn't help but notice how bright the stars were and how beautiful the weather had become. We honestly haven't had a lot of bad weather but it's been cold for spring here and we are all over it! I told him all calving weather should be this good and his remark was "at least we are near the end of the crap weather and it should be nicer everyday." (we all know this is a lie and we could be dealing with blizzards for weeks, but we'll let him live this pipe dream.) My man is forever an optimist and I love it. So let's all take this ridiclously, positive mans approach to all of this and say "it can only get better from here!" Take care and remember to wash yo' hands!

Baby calves and kittens. Who
doesn't want my job??

 If you or someone you know is in an abusive relationship call the National Domestic Abuse Hotline at 1-800-799-7233.